I’ve been on a journey to rediscover beauty. I feel like a whole new person, and I’ve only cracked the beauty door! I am so excited about this rediscovery because I highly doubt I am the only person that had shut the lid of the Beauty Hope Chest, locked it tight, and had thrown away the key.
Throughout the ages, people have been discussing beauty, writing books about beauty, and philosophizing about beauty, and more recently, this discussion has picked back up with fervor. It is really an obscure word, unless you are willing to dig for it, not necessarily in a dictionary, but into your life. Many philosophers and theologians have stated that beauty is just as real as truth and justice. I believe that this is a beautiful truth! We have just as much a need for beauty as we do truth and justice, it may just be harder to identify and fulfill in our lives.
I began my own expedition through the Amazon of beauty through inner healing. Aahhh, scary word! It can be scary for a variety of reasons, but it is truly an amazing thing. What lead me there? Throughout my life beginning in my childhood, I have been burying my emotions, I’ve been trying to process bad things that happen, I have been trying to form myself into the proper church girl. I’ve been pruning away parts of myself that weren’t supposed to be clipped off! I’ve been burying beautiful leaves under the soil that were intended to grow bigger. I’ve been killing myself!
I’ve been trying to pinpoint how this all started. I can’t quite do it. I can give you a list of things that changed my world, and through the process of understanding these things, it brought me into such a freedom, that God was finally able to take me on this trip!
1. I discovered that men and women were valued equally in God’s Kingdom! This gave me so much freedom! Now I could CHOOSE to be a “good woman/wife”, and it wasn’t something that was a requirement based on my subjugation to men!
2. I was baptized in the Holy Spirit! Woot! Woot! I am so thankful for the God-loving house I grew up in! We were conservative….then I began to look into things….and BAM!! I know I was late, but I’m so glad I got to join the par-tay!!!
3. I got a taste that God loved me! Not the traditional, empty-worded, flippantly-quoted, God loves you, but no He ACTUALLY loves me! His love is not based on my actions, my sins, my good qualities, or my works. He just loves me because He loves me because He loves me. His love makes me free! I am free! I am free, to be me, in His love! These encounters in the love of God, have become real in my very DNA. I look forward to more and more of these truths being poured into my life. WOW!
4. I realized that God is good! I’m still struggling with the phrase “God is in a good mood”, not because I don’t believe it, but because I don’t think God is moody, but then again, if you add on “all the time,” (which I am certain is what is implied and intended) I can get down with that. I was so confused about what things came from God. Now I VERY clearly know, that Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and Christ came for you to have life and life abundantly!! (John 10:10)
So, with my new found freedom, I discovered I love art! I am an artist! Mind you, this is not in the “I went to art school, and am very learned and a technique wizard” kind of way, but in the raw, kid sense of the word, and it makes me SO happy! I have rediscovered my love for journaling and writing. I am exploring my musical side. I sing! I even dance! I know there’s so much more that I have to discover about the desires and passions that God put in my heart, and I so look forward to it!
Oh, here’s where it gets fun! I have emotions and feelings! Yea, I know that’s a weird one. I had cut all emotion and feeling off! I would only allow my strength, self-control, and perseverance show. I had conditioned myself so severely, to fit the mold of the church-taught Proverbs 31 woman that I had cut off all emotion. I tempered everything that made me, me! Guess what? This didn’t please God! He was “dancing over me” and I was laying on the ground, barely breathing and almost dead. May it not be! God wants to sing over his beautiful creations that he calls good (Zephaniah 3:17, Genesis 1:31)! He died for our freedom! He put His light in us. When He left, He made us the light of the world! I wasn’t able to be very “lighty” if I was laying on the dirt, barely hanging on. So, now I have a wide range of emotions! I’m learning how to “be” with feelings I haven’t felt in years! I feel so alive!
Now I’m learning what I looks like to live in beauty! I know I’m only scratching the surface, but one day, as I continue on, I will understand in full.
P.S. Check back for Part 2 next week!
P.P.S. I am sssooooo not technologically savvy (as you can tell by the fact that I couldn’t get my “1” the same size as my 2, 3 and 4), but I figured out how to add a “subscribe by email” option to this blog! I was so proud of myself! So, it would certainly make me feel like all of my hard work to figure that out paid off, if you subscribe by email 😀